"Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun." - We Are Young, Fun
I feel old. I feel lonely. Having to give myself to someone else all the time is so hard. Motherhood makes you rough. Calloused. You have to be, or you won't survive it, not if you want to do a good job.
Just Skyped with my girlfriend in New York and can I just say that it's amazing how much it truly helps to communicate with not just other moms but with women who care about you, in general. Since I gave up my best girl friend almost a year ago (a tale for another time), I have been somewhat lacking in the arena of supportive female friends. And not just women in general, but the ones that have been there forever. Thank God, I still have my mom, but she is a middle school teacher and until June, it's tough to break through that veil of impossibility that is her job.
Oh and by the way, the purpose of the song above is just an homage to that wonderful woman in New York as a tribute to our unending attempt to keep life as moms balanced.
Speaking of mothers... my mom, now Grandma, is on her way here now to spend some time with me and the boy and then she's taking him overnight, because D works overtime all weekend and I'm working all weekend, too. I hope we do something fun tonight!
My amazing mom, Grandma (tribute blog to come later):
Cory, thank you for sharing! I again, just wrote a long response back and it deleted on me. I'm exhausted and literally am about to crawl in bed at 9 on a sat. night. I have so much to discuss with you. Your post have brought up many many thoughts that I have had. I feel some relief that I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteOne question that continues to pop up in my head is why am I having so much trouble accepting the new "me"? Why do I always have guilt? I'm beginning to feel that I will never be satisfied with myself unless I'm super women- literally? Something I continue to reflect on
We need girlfriends who are also mothers to help us remember to be realistic with our expectations of ourselves. For some reason, I have found that these are the only people whose affirmation actually sinks in. Other people can tell me, but maybe somewhere inside I don't completely believe them because they can't really know. But another mom in a similar situation, DOES really know! And I can tell you that you will get back to feeling like yourself and being settled in your current role and situation. You are working. In fact, if you think about the fact that Braylen will grow to be a contributing member of society and his success depends on your parenting, it reveals that your job as a mother is more important than anything you would be doing at a "job" right now. Your actions with him now will affect more people than you would at your job for the 4 years you may not be working at that job.
Delete