Suspicions Confirmed

Through the past week of P2 (pregnancy #2), I've been keeping track of the same symptoms as before and the things that are different. Today, I thought, let me do some research and see what is typically happening out there when women go for round 2. 

First of all, here's what I'm experiencing so far:

Back pain - FAR worse than last time and much earlier

Nausea - earlier, but less extreme (so far, here's hopin')

Frequent urination - MUCH earlier!!!

Breast tenderness - more severe, same timing

Appetite - Well, first time, I had no appetite for 20 weeks, lost 17 lbs. This time, I want to eat everything in sight and ALL the time, but only gained 1 lb so far, so we'll see on that

Cravings - MUCH earlier, more extreme

Headaches - earlier, but not as bad, so far

Nose Bleeds/Stuffy Nose - earlier, only had 2 nosebleeds so far, definitely already stuffy

Thirst - much less extreme. This was one symptom that sticks out to me as an early sign during the first pregnancy. I simply could not get enough water, I was always thirsty. This is the first symptom I remember having that tipped me off as weird, because it doesn't happen during a typical menstrual cycle. I haven't experienced this much at all so far

Abdominal "Thickening" - I call it good ol' bloating, much earlier, same severity so far

Fatigue - earlier, less severe than first time, so far

Insomnia - WAAAAY earlier. Seriously? I can't sleep at night, already???

Cramping - none first time, quite a bit so far this time

So, here's some info I found to confirm my wondering about such early symptoms:

Every pregnancy is unique in the sense that it would bring about some symptoms which were not experienced in the earlier pregnancies. But many of the symptoms can be the same, the difference being the time they are experienced. Some of the symptoms can be experienced a month earlier while some others, a month later. The intensity of these pregnancy symptoms can also vary and it can be more or less. The early signs of a pregnancy the second time round can be different. Some of the first symptoms of a second pregnancy are:

• Fatigue – As your body has endured the great strains of a pregnancy already, the raised high level of progesterone would make you tired earlier. While in your first pregnancy, the same rise of progesterone would have brought tiredness a month after conception, the second time round; it might come about a week after conception.
• Spotting – Cramping and spotting is experienced but these symptoms can be taken to mean the usual periods. This happens six to 12 days prior to fertilisation, in which period, the embryo gets attached to the wall of the uterus.
• Pregnancy bump comes earlier – As your abdominal muscles have already been stretched, it is normal that your pregnancy bump starts to show earlier this time. You will need to wear maternity clothing earlier. But the bump would not grow larger than the previous time.
• Less conscious of your pregnancy week – In your first pregnancy, you would be very conscious of looking after yourself, and would have taken care to prepare yourself emotionally for the delivery. In case of pregnancy the second time around, many moms lose the focus, inclination or the energy to be so concerned. They often forget even their week of pregnancy. That is why second time pregnancies do not feel as long as the first one for many women.
• Headaches – Similar to fatigue, headaches can also start early in the second pregnancy with the rise in progesterone level. It would be for apparently no reason. After conception, headaches can start soon.
• Weight gain – While, it is not unusual for a woman to not have any noticeable symptoms in the first pregnancy, earlier weight gain is one of the symptoms of a second pregnancy. The thickening of pregnant women’s midsection happens earlier in the second pregnancy. This is because the muscles of the woman have already been stretched before and so, they relax and stretch easily.

(Info from www.justmommies.com)

So, that seems to account for some things (assurance I'm not crazy or weird is nice). It made sense overall that because this body already did it once, it would be quicker to change than last time, but its nice to confirm my suspicions. Having that assurance can really help. For example, my friend in New York, told me last month that she had more cramping this time around (she is also on her second) in the beginning, and I must say that that would have been the most worrisome new symptom, because I'd associate cramping with shedding the lining of the uterus and therefore losing the pregnancy, if I didn't know that its normal the second time around. It's not something I experienced at the beginning if my first pregnancy. Although, it was associated with the loss of the pregnancy last month, I'm still not worried about that symptom at all, just knowing that it's a common second pregnancy thing. So, thanks to the Internet (and my P2 veteran friend) for easing my mind!

Round Two

Here we go, again!

I figure it could help me and maybe someone else, if I document my process of having a second child!  That's right, we're doing it, again.  Even though, I SWORE that I wouldn't... lol  I have to say, I never forgot what the first experience was like, instead I had to decide to ignore what I remember.  It was a nightmare.  Much of the pregnancy, the labor, and much of the beginning of the new little guy's life.  I knew deep down that I wanted another biological child, but I knew even more so that I never wanted to create another one.  How, oh how, I pondered, can I figure out how to give birth to a child with no pain and when he or she is already 1 year old?  lol  Yeah, not possible.    

So, I guess I should go back a month, when D and I first started trying to get pregnant, again.  We were successful, but the pregnancy was not healthy and I lost it about 3 days before my period.  Now, you might wonder how on Earth I already knew that early.  I can give credit for that (if credit is deserved) to two things.  The first is the wonderful website www.early-pregnancy-tests.com which offers pregnancy tests at around $1 a piece, which blows the store bought $12-$17 tests out of the water as far as affordability is concerned.  And, they are just as accurate, if not more so, than the store bought tests.  The second thing is anxiety and depression, to be quite frank.  Because I have to stop taking my medications when we start trying to get pregnant, I have to have as much precise information as I can, so that I'm not spending too much time unmedicated and not pregnant.  It's a cocktail for disaster.  And that's where my story starts. 

If you do the math, you can figure that I was pregnant for 11 days.  During that time, I quickly realized that the second time around was going to be VERY different from the first pregnancy.  For example, MY BACK.  OH MY GOSH, did it hurt!!  And when I sneezed, I felt sharp pains in my lower abdomen.  What I realized and confirmed with my OB is that because my body has already done it once, it knows what to do.  More technically, my brain has developed the receptors for certain hormones, like relaxin, so that as soon as the hormone is produced, my ligaments start to loosen right away.  So, the pain in my abdomen, that was the ligaments loosening and that's also why my back was killing me.  But, as I said before, that pregnancy didn't last, so after 11 days of accelerated loosening, everything had to go back!  So, after I lost the baby, I was sick for three days.  And once I felt better physically, the depression hit me.  I started back on my medications, as needed.  Since, you can't know for certain when you're ovulating, I was trying to air on the safe side, by staying off my meds as much as possible, but I simply had to start back taking them as needed.  I got back on Zoloft daily (considered "safe" during pregnancy), and was taking the Klonopin only as needed (not considered "safe" during pregnancy).  I should mention that before this pregnancy, I hadn't had a period for three months.  Don't know why!  Anyway, I say that because once I started my period, it was killer.  I was so depressed and my cramps were so painful (coupled with the healing back of all the loosened stuff) that I just layed around for several days.  I just wasn't worth a damn.  My poor son and husband, but that's it own blog.

So, fast forwarding to this month.  I was religious about taking the ovulation tests (also from www.early-pregnancy-tests.com) so that I could take my meds until the last minute.  I was tracking my BBT (basal body temperature) as well, so I could be as sure as possible.  According to those methods, it appeared that I ovulated on 12/10/12 or 12/11/12.  Well, we had TTC (tried to conceive - the nice way of saying it hehe) the night before, and because I was exhausted, that was that.  We just said, well, that's close enough.  lol  Our sex life after having a child is another separate blog I could write.  lol  About 2 days later, I was nauseous.  In addition, MY BACK, again.  It was only at night.  I had to use a heating pad in bed every night.  And it wasn't just my lower back, it was my whole back.  I've never experienced anything like this.  Not even after working out too hard back in the day!  I felt like all my back muscles were on fire!  So, the point is, I knew.  I told D I'm pregnant - again.  After about 4 or 5 days of the intense evening back pain, it subsided, just as did the abdominal pain at sneezing.  But my belly was just sticking out there!!  I was bloated and I looked about 4 months pregnant, and I couldn't suck it in!  It was crazy!  And yesterday, that subsided some, too.  The bloating, anyway.

Two mornings ago - 8 DPO (days past ovulation), I got a negative pregnancy test and I was depressed, more.  Ugh, really?  I had to keep remembering how much crap a lot of other people have to go through and how long it can take to become pregnant for some, to remember that two months of anxiety and depression is no price to pay for another family member.  Also, it was only 7-8 DPO!  When I was pregnant with DJ, I got the faintest line on a test 9 DPO, which is really the first day that any of those tests (no matter what they say) can possibly register HcG (pregnancy hormone). 

So, I sucked it up and waited until this morning... it would be 9-10 DPO.  And sure enough, I got that faint line!  So, it looks like we're starting this ride, again.  And in the midst of it all... DJ is throwing up with a fever, the poor guy!  The poor mama!!  lol  I'll live.  I'm just happy to say that - for now - we are pregnant. 

Like I said, here we go, again!

Pros and Cons of a 2nd Child

Today, I am making a list.  Well, two lists, and I'm doing it because I HAVE TO.  All this stuff has been swimming around in my noggin since my hubs and I started considering the idea of having a second child.

I'm going to start with the cons list because, these are obviously the worrisome objects and ideas, and then I can end on a positive note with the pros.  I will double-star the items that have a stronger meaning or feeling associated for me.  So, without further ado...

The CONS:

* A feeling that I won't deserve help.  Where does this come from?  The realization now that we had NO idea what we were getting into the first time we became pregnant and now we are well aware of what we're doing by getting pregnant a second time, and since it's a conscious choice, I feel less entitled to help when I might need it.

** The thought that with just DJ, we could provide him with twice what we will be able to after we have a second child (private school, extra-curricular activities, college, etc.).

* Pregnancy -
        1. Exhaustion.    2. Acne.    3. Overall sweatiness, greasiness, and grossness.    4. Physical pain.    5. Fear of the unknown. (e.g. Will I be able to continue working the whole pregnancy? Will I be high risk for any reason? Will anything be wrong with the baby?)    6. Nausea.    7. Anxiety.    8. Depression.    9. My patience (or lack thereof) with DJ.

* Labor and Delivery -
       1. Pain.    2. Pain.    3. Pain.    4. Nausea.    5. Pain.    6. Utter exhaustion.    7. Nightmarish terror.

* Post Delivery -
       1. Soreness.    2. Stitches.    3. 2 weeks of bleeding, Dibucaine ointment, Tucks pads, and sanitary napkins the size of Texas.    4. Hemorrhoids.    5. Sits baths.    6. Having to deal with all of this with DJ hanging from my neck.

* Razorblades to the nipples (this is not literal, but any mothers who have nursed know what I mean).

** Being completely attached to another human being for several straight months during nursing.

* Keeping up with cloth diapers and wipes.

* Making baby food and feedings.

* Illnesses running rampant through the house and trying to deal with two kids when I'm sick.

** Will I be able to mentally handle a baby and a toddler at the same time?

* The chance that I might feel regret afterward and know that I can never turn back.

** Not being sure if it's the "right" or "best" thing for me, and our family.

** Another year of pretty much complete loss of independence.

* Clearly, I'm having commitment issues!!! 

* Diaper and clothes changes SO many times a day.

* Won't be able to give as much one-on-one attention time to the new baby as we did with DJ.

The PROS:

* Family of four.

** DJ will have a sibling!

* Pregnancy -
         1. Seeing/hearing the heart beat.    2. Feeling the baby move inside.    3. Teaching DJ about siblings.    4. Seeing DJ feel the baby move.    5. Seeing Darnell talk to and listen to the baby.    6. Bonding.    7. Knowing I'm in better shape this time.

* Preparing a new nursery in the other bedroom.

* Labor and Delivery -
         1. The chance that an epidural might work this time.    2. Seeing my baby for the first time.    3. The first nursing.    4. Seeing Darnell's happiness.    5. The feeling of accomplishment after pushing.

* Post Delivery -
         1. Seeing DJ's reaction to his new brother or sister.    2. Being able to avoid all of humanity (except my kids and D) for as long as I need to recover.    3. The knowledge that my father will be around to help and be a part of it all this time.

* The cooing.

** The LOVE.

* Seeing DJ love and care for his sibling.

** The idea that it won't be as difficult as the first time, simply because we've done it once, already.

* The notion that DJ's help might make things easier.

** Laying on the couch holding DJ and my other child at the same time.

* All the positive unknowns that I have no idea about because I only know what it's like to raise a baby up to age 21 months at this point.

** DJ having a playmate.

** Both kids entertaining each other and not always needing me for that.

* A potential best friend for DJ as he's growing up.

* The knowledge that we will have two children there for us in our advanced stages of life.  DJ won't feel like he is solely responsible for us.

Okay, so I think that's everything.  Little things are still popping into my head, but they are just variations of things I already put down.  I've got DJ running around here requiring my attention, so my mind isn't focused on this topic the way it is when I'm laying in bed at night or in the morning, but I do feel a small relief now that I've written it all down.  When it all comes down to it, I feel scared and excited.  It's pretty balanced between the two, maybe a little more scared, because it's just my nature to worry. I guess I just need to continue discussion until I come to a point where I am not doubting myself.