Strep Throat

My poor, poor, little baby boy.  He has Streptococcal Pharyngitis (Strep throat) for the second time and he's only 16 months old!  His pediatrician says that it's not common for anyone his age to have already had it twice.  Which just means that if keeps happening, we will be removing those pesky tonsils of his, which I'd rather not do.  I remember my brothers talking to me about how miserable they were the next few days after having their tonsils removed and that they will never forget it.  Very painful. 

So, this time was MUCH worse than last time he had strep.  Here are all of the symptoms he has:

fever of up to 102.5

- shaking, increased heart rate up to 130 bpm

puss on both tonsils

- terrible bad breath that smells like poop

swollen top lip

facial rash

completely stuffed nose and head congestion

wheezing

waking every hour through the night

loss of appetite

And my dumb butt thought he was just teething with a cold.  Although, I have to at least give myself the credit that he didn't start getting really bad and some of the extra weird symptoms didn't start until over the weekend, after the after hours clinic was closed, and I took him to the doctor before they were even open this morning.  Also, the ibuprofen and acetaminophen were masking some of the symptoms, but we had to keep that fever down.  He was just miserable.  He still is, but he's asleep right now.  We got a broad spectrum antibiotic for him, which he started this morning and he's been sleeping a ton and waking just to eat and drink and go back to sleep again.  Which is awesome.... he needs the sleep and the food SO badly right now!  And after the first nap, it was time for the ibuprofen again, but he didn't have a fever for the first time!  So, the antibiotics are already working.  

It is so terrible being the mother of a sick child.  Especially before you go to the doctor and you're trying to tell yourself it's just a cold or it's just teething and you're nursing this little guy that can't tell you what's wrong and what hurts, you just have to do your best to be logical and make an educated guess about it.  That's hard for father's, too.  But what I know for myself is hard for moms is that throbbing need to make your baby feel better.  It's like something that is sewn into your heart that gets yanked on when your baby feels badly.  It's so instinctual.  When it takes everything in you not to run to doctor's office for any little thing that bothers him.  My mind was saying, ok stuffy nose, fever, probably a virus, along with teething.  But my heart was bursting with sorrow because he couldn't even sit still because he was so uncomfortable.  And I wanted to reach inside his face and pull out all the phlegm and kill whatever was trying to hurt him inside.  

Sometimes, when I'm running, and it's really tough, I think about someone trying to hurt my boy or something being wrong with him that can only be stopped if I keep on running.  It's a little sadistic, but entirely motivational.  That and thinking about labor.  That makes running feel like a massage on the beach.  lol  Eventually, I'll recount my experience with labor.  It was an incredible and unforgettable thing.  It was also a nightmare.  People say that women have the ability to naturally forget, but I can tell you this, it's been 16 months and I haven't forgotten.  I don't think I ever will.  

Anyway, time to get a little rest before this stinky, sick boy wakes back up.  :)  Here's the horrendous snoring/wheezing and swollen upper lip of his from while we were waiting for the antibiotic prescription to be filled at the pharmacy. You can just see his little body struggling to breathe:

 

  

One More Try

Ok, I need to test the sizing of the ad. 

Trying Out An Ad

I just want to try this out and see how it works...



I don't see an ad, so I'm not quite sure if there just isn't an ad available, or if I didn't do it right.  Lol

Sertraline AKA: Zoloft

Yep, I take it.  In fact, I also take Clonazepam AKA: Klonopin.  Before I became pregnant with DJ, I had found my perfect cocktail for anxiety and depression.  I was taking 50mg/day of Zoloft and .25mg/day of Klonopin.  It was perfect for me and had been for about 3 years.  However, once my level of blood increased by 150% during pregnancy, it became clear (and made perfect sense) that I needed to increase my Zoloft dose by 200% to cover for the increase in my blood and weight, as well as to help with the increased stress due to pregnancy combined with my inability to use Klonopin during the pregnancy.  (Klonopin is too dangerous to a developing fetus.)  

So, after I had DJ and lost the baby weight, I decreased back to 50mg of Zoloft, but realized quickly, that that wasn't going to work for me.  So, back up to 100mgs I went.  However, now that I've started losing more weight, and I'm getting ready to potentially become pregnant again, I'm back down to 50mgs/day and the reason for that LONG story??  I'm feeling it.  I'm sad.  And it's not sad because of anything, it's just this overall feeling of dark cloudiness.  What a cliche that we always see on television commercials for anti-depressants, right?  lol  But it is an accurate depiction of what depression feels like.  Lucky for me, I've spent years of my life in cognitive therapy, so I am very aware of the chemical changes and the way they affect my life.  I also have the tools to successfully deal with minimal amounts of depression. I can deal with maximum amounts if necessary, but it's not preferable.  lol

My regular stance on depression or anxiety and medication is to just take it and see what it does.  I spent SO many years fighting depression and anxiety (which I found out later in life is probably something genetic from my father who started anti-anxiety medication at 64 years of age) and then when my doctors and I finally found the right amounts and combo of meds, suddenly, I was living my life, instead of spending all that time focusing on "dealing with it" and accepting it.  Suddenly, I found myself thinking, "Is this what 'normal' feels like?" because I could go through a day enjoying my life and everything that is part of this journey, rather than always fighting.  That's what I was doing from age 16 - age 24, I was FIGHTING.  I wasn't living.  I WAS learning, and I am very happy to have done all of the cognitive work that I did, because it helps me deal with many things in life, but once I did start taking medications, I also stopped the needless fighting.  

I stopped fighting and I started looking forward, lifting up, seeing clearly, appreciating the little things and recognizing the huge things, seeing negative environmental factors as part of the big picture of life.  I can spend free time (haha "free time" - you know what I mean) thinking about what's important to me, my goals for myself and my family, and so many other productive thoughts.  Anxiety and depression breed cyclical thinking.  Going round and round in your head with the same negative, hopeless, dark thoughts.  Why in the world, would I want to spend ANY of the precious time I have with my son and all the important people in my life thinking the same OLD, USELESS thoughts, when I could be thinking NEW, USEFUL, PROGRESSIVE thoughts.  I can be growing instead of remaining stagnant until the end of my days on this earth. 

So, I love my son.  And no depression can cloud that.  He is my favorite person in the ENTIRE world.  He has changed my life and fostered this new perspective I have of myself.  A secure, solid foundation for the most important little boy there ever was, and for myself.  He has become a mirror for the way I see myself.  I am my own mother, sister, daughter, and best friend.  If anyone where to try to tell me that I am undeserving, unworthy, not good at what I do, etc., I would laugh, with the realization that they have no idea who I am or what I do.  And that will always allow me to see a light in any darkness. 

My baby and I having a chill day and some cuddle time:

 

And here he is on his big boy toilet seat (which he has used!!) - potty training is a topic I'll touch on another day:

 

  

Headache

So, the guy showed up to move our satellite up onto a pole this morning and after all the craziness of getting this worked out yesterday, he told me that the original guy who installed the satellite 2 years ago was a contractor and he didn't even do it right.  He could've attached it to our house from the very beginning.  Wow.  It amazes me sometimes that there are people out there so incompetent, getting paid to do something they aren't even good at and I can't even get hired to do basic work utilizing my degree.  {Shrug}  That's Michigan for you.

I ran 2.3 miles yesterday and drank water when I got back, but had 1 beer when my brother came over to visit in the evening and woke up this morning with a hangover headache!  Seriously?  1 beer?  I know it's because I'm not hydrated the way I should be.  Now I have to drink a Gatorade (one meal's worth of carbs) in order to rehydrate enough so that water will even make a difference!  I have had three glasses of water and 2 ibuprofens today and I still have this headache.  I find myself patiently awaiting DJ's next nap, so that I can try again to sleep off this headache.  I guess I have to resign myself to not drinking anything with alcohol on the days I run.  

Today, I applied for Google AdSense.  Within a week, I will find out if I qualify and can start earning money for having ads showing on my blog.  I also added the awesome Google Translate gadget at the top, so that people in other countries and who speak other languages can read my blog, too!  I'm SUPER excited about that because there are mothers out there EVERYWHERE, not just in America!  Lastly, I added the email follow option over to the right of my blog, so that people can sign up to follow my blog more easily!  So, if someone reads this and feel that you or someone you know might benefit from weekly-ish access to my thoughts and feelings, please add your email through that new gadget!

Since I did not have much substance in today's blog, I'm adding this video of my boy reacting to the windows going down in the truck!  It will tickle anyone's fancy...  Enjoy!! 

Getting Nowhere

I wanted to title this post "PMS", but I don't think I'd want to read a blog called PMS. But seriously, I feel like b!#@hing today.  Between a girl who sounded like an Asian William Shatner at Dish Network who insisted that I call some company that I'm not sure exists (after researching online and finding nothing) called "Big Safe" who I would have to pay to come out and "mark" where they are supposed to dig a hole for the pole for our satellite dish (because I can't mark my own place where the pole should go on my property?), and then that I pay another $95 for them to come and put in the pole for the dish to be put up.  All of that, after they mounted the dish on a cement slab out back and were supposed to come out when the ground thawed (2 YEARS AGO) to move it up onto a pole and never did. Here is a moment where I believe that women are still very discriminated against - even by other women.  My husband called them back 2 hours later and got a short run around but within 10 minutes, had the technicians scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8am for free.  ????????????????????????? That blows my mind.  Sure, my husband is much calmer and level-headed than am I, but really?  I was on the phone with Mrs. Shatner for 35 minutes and got nowhere!  

Let me just throw in the fact that the song above "Cinderella Man" by Eminem is my new favorite running song.  I got in the door from running today and it started in my headphones and I almost wanted to go back out and start running again!

Next order of business.  My body.  I'd like to always be Miss Sunshine, but I'm just not.  I've been running consistently for 2 months and had lost 9 lbs.  Then I went up to Marquette to help a newborn baby and her father (and I still ran once while I was there, mind you), fell off the wagon a little with pizza eating and beer drinking and by the time I got home, I had gained back 4 lbs... in 5 days. Words cannot describe how angry that makes me.  Basically, I lost one month of busting my a$$ for 5 days of not even serious indulgence!  I still ran and I wasn't eating too much extra.  Ugh.  It's just this woman's body.  As much as I want to love her and embrace her, I feel like she's fighting me.  When I see a big fat gut pouching out and back fat rolls hanging over my bra, I just want to cry.  I feel like I'm working SO HARD.  I guess this is just part of the process.  I'm not going to stop.  I'm going to keep on keeping on and eventually I will learn how much it will take to get into decent shape and drop the extra weight I'm needlessly carrying around this planet.  

Finally, money.  Ugh ugh ugh.  We have so much work to do.  We're not on the same page, my husband and I.  We are, but we aren't.  We need a better plan.  We need a serious budget.  A specific budget so we know exactly on what we can and cannot spend our money each month, each week, each day.  I feel so far behind.  $40,000 of student loans that have transformed into the monster of $64,000 and growing.  By the time it's paid off, I will have probably thrown away nearly $200,000 on that f*#ker. For an MBA that has gotten me NOWHERE.

I have so many wonderful things in my life and I need to immediately blog about those things, in order to center myself back where I belong, but today, I just need to be real about my (most likely fueled by PMS) dissatisfaction with some things in my life.  Some things I need to work on. Time to go finish making dinner.  Props to my husband for letting me sneak into the bedroom to blog for 15 minutes (the boy's been extra needy today).