Postpartum Psychosis

Welcome to something you may never have heard of before this moment. Postpartum Psychosis is what Andrea Yates had.  She is the valedictorian and wonderful mother of four, who after her fifth child killed each one of them by drowning them in the bathtub, while her husband was at work one day, in order to save them from evil that she believed was taking them over.  The good news is that it's not always that severe.  And it is rare.  I am SO thankful that this is not something that I experienced after having my son. 

Postpartum Psychosis is a rare illness, compared to the rates of postpartum depression or anxiety. It occurs in approximately 1 to 2 out of every 1,000 deliveries, or approximately .1% of births. The onset is usually sudden, most often within the first 4 weeks postpartum.

Symptoms of postpartum psychosis can include:

• Delusions or strange beliefs
• Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there)
• Feeling very irritated
• Hyperactivity
• Decreased need for or inability to sleep
• Paranoia and suspiciousness
• Rapid mood swings
• Difficulty communicating at times  

The most significant risk factors for postpartum psychosis are a personal or family history of bipolar disorder, or a previous psychotic episode.  Of the women who develop a postpartum psychosis, there is a 5% infanticide or suicide rate associated with the illness. This is because the woman experiencing psychosis is experiencing a break from reality. In her psychotic state, the delusions and beliefs make sense to her; they feel very meaningful and are often religious. Immediate treatment for these women is imperative.

It is also important to know that many survivors of postpartum psychosis never had delusions containing violent commands. Delusions take many forms, and not all of them are destructive. Most women who experience postpartum psychosis do not harm themselves or anyone else. However, there is always the risk of danger because psychosis includes delusional thinking and irrational judgment, and this is why women with this illness must be treated and carefully monitored by a trained healthcare professional.

Postpartum psychosis is temporary and treatable with professional help, but it is an emergency and it is essential that you receive immediate help. If you feel you or someone you know may be suffering from this illness, know that it is not your fault and you are not to blame. Call your doctor or an emergency crisis hotline right away so that you can get the help you need. - From www.postpartum.net

Makes me pray for every woman who gives birth to a child, but doesn't feel connected to him or want to have anything to do with him or her, or worse yet, wants to hurt that baby. 

Some Normalcy Returning

Let me just list what some age on your child, the motivation of a friend, and the energy created by adding fitness into my daily life can lead to.

Today I have:
cleaned the coffee table (and the nasty bumper, under which DJ stashes food)
cleaned the bathroom mirror, sink, counter, and toilet
cleaned the kitchen counters and stove, and finished up dishes
vacuumed the stairs and the landing
picked up in DJ's room
done 2 loads of laundry.

And that's in addition to Skyping with my girlfriend, talking to my husband, my friend Gary, and my dad (he's on his long drive up to MI from NC), feeding, snuggling, and giving attention to my boy.  

I think what I mentioned above are all equally getting credit for this.  I wouldn't have had a day like this when my son was 8 months old because he still couldn't stay independently busy for very long.  I wouldn't had had a day like this 2 months ago, because I wasn't staying fit and would've just been too tired to get up and do all that stuff!  Finally, if it weren't for the inspiration of my girl, who is so much better at juggling motherhood and cleaning than I am!!  

Today proved that I will be able to have a normal life after the new baby (not TTC, yet) is about DJ's age.  I'm sure enjoying it now, while I can, before I get pregnant, again!

Ok, Bug needs my attention now.  

 

Feeling Baby's Pain

Oh, this is killing me right now...

Yesterday, DJ went down for a nap without having a bottle first, so we decided that it's time to start weaning off the bottle.  He will only get it first thing in the morning and right before bed, but not before naps, anymore.  I tried to give him some milk from a sippy cup before his current nap, but he refused it, so I put him down without any milk first, and he is in there right now screaming.  It's been going on for 15 minutes and I feel terrible!!!  I wish I had someone right now to tell me that I'm doing the right thing, because I want to stick with our decision, but it's just so painful hearing his pain.  I feel like an evil witch.  And I want to run in and scoop him up, hug him, and give him 8 bottles of warm milk!  But I know that I'm a better mom for doing what I'm doing, it's just SO hard!!!  Ugh.  This is a part of motherhood I truly hate.  We didn't have to deal with weaning off a pacifier because he just stopped using them one day, so it was just over.  Weaning off the breast was simple, too, because he always had no problem drinking from a bottle and I spread the weaning over like 3 months.  lol  This is the first time I've had to deal with this sort of thing where I am directly causing him such distress.  I HATE HATE HATE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help!!

Homemade Baby Bookshelf

I saw something similar to this on Pinterest and it inspired me to make one of my own! It is super handy for organizing and displaying all your baby's books without a big chunky shelf!  My one piece of advice if you attempt to make your own, is to make sure that you spend the little extra it costs to get good sturdy poles, because my first purchase was for 2 $5 poles that I had to take back because they were sagging as soon as any books were put in it.  I ended up getting 2 $10 poles from Target, instead, and they are perfect!  Well worth the extra $.

 

Things Coming Together

I am SO happy to report that just over the past month, so many of the things that I have questioned in earlier blogs have gotten better or become clearer. 

First of all, I cannot stress enough the importance of FITNESS for Mommies, once your body "comes back together", meaning the ligaments shorten and strengthen back up, so your joints are solid and exercising isn't painful or likely to make you pull a muscle or slip a disc.  My doctor had originally told me that I'd be ready to get back to exercising fully after 6 months, but that I needed to give my body a full year before I'd feel pretty much back to normal in that respect.  But, like most people, I thought I was different, "I'm a fit person, I'm pretty athletic, so I'll start back in at like 4 months and when I strengthen my muscles, they will pull everything right back together."  And I did try.  I participated in a boot camp at 4 months.  I did it for 2 months and my lower back just couldn't take it.  I was doing the exercises with the proper form, but it was still causing back pain - because my body wasn't ready, yet!  So, now, finally, after that year went by, my efforts are actually working and I see that my doctor was right.  It was a full year before I could start running and lifting and not have any lasting, adverse effects.

SO, since I started my Fitness Plan about a month ago, things have really changed for me in a positive way.  I have had more energy, I am becoming more fit, in general, and stronger, so playing with my son is more fun.  Even though he gets heavier and heavier, and naturally we gain the muscle and endurance to carry that weight, it does get hard a lot of times, but because I've been sticking to my plan and running and lifting weights, it's so much easier!!!  I can carry him around a store or toss him around at home and not get cramps in my biceps.  :)  And I did, before, believe me!

Also, I can answer my own question of will I ever be healthy again, with a resounding YES!  Since I got back to running regularly (a mile at least 3x a week), I have only had one short bout of the sniffles, which I'm sure was due to the crazy Michigan weather changes, but I got through that quickly and have been healthy since!  I'm still taking a nap almost every day, but before, I was taking a nap every time my son did, which was at least twice a day.  So, I can definitely feel the exhaustion decreasing to a manageable level.  I won't say it's completely gone, because that's just not possible with a toddler, however, I feel like I have actually adjusted to it!  I can't express how happy this makes me.  I am just not comfortable in my own skin when I am not feeling well, but still expected to run a normal household, and it really seemed like the illnesses and exhaustion were never-ending. 

It still remains true, what I've been saying since my son was born, every week that passes, things get better, things get easier, we adjust, and everything becomes manageable and feels more "normal".  I love my son more with every new developmental progression, and I enjoy being a mother more and more every day.

So, to all the new moms out there, believe me when I say, it will get better!!!

My greedy little man, mouth full of soft shell tortilla and fist full of veggie treats: